I'm sorry, I can't write anymore. I will now put my head in the oven. SG: Sorry, that was left over from the season. Good times last year! Seemed like everyone enjoyed year one of the Five-Year Grace Period. Q: After watching Game 2 of the World Series, I suggest that Scott Podsednik's home run may be the single greatest black ink producing sports feat of anyone with the first name of Scott, at least in this country. Can you think of any competition?
Unless not, I conclude that, for a fairly common name, we Scotts have collectively come up way short in helping sports bloggers do their jobs. For sheer pub value, we're worse than Edgar Renteria's season. SG: Oh, boy. Right now, everyone in Buffalo is banging their desks, whipping books across the room and kicking their dogs. May want to steer clear of upstate New York for awhile, Scott Silveira. That was downright cruel. Q: My friend and I are having a disagreement and since you are an expert on nickname theft, like your Glenn Robinson example I'm hoping you can resolve it. I say that Carnell Williams of the Bucs stole Greg Anderson's nickname, and therefore refuse to refer to him as "Cadillac.
If this is allowed, where will it end? Can we get a ruling on this? SG: I like that I'm considered an "expert on nickname theft. Anyway, I would say that Cadillac's theft does count -- sports nicknames should almost be like hurricane names or Web site domain names, in which a certain amount of time has to pass before the name becomes available again. And I think that amount of time should be 25 years. For example, imagine if they released all the available nicknames from this year, so we could read AP stories like Like you and your friends wouldn't spend an hour talking about this?
Like 20 nickname Web sites wouldn't pop up immediately? Can't somebody just start using Ed "Night Train" Reed to get the ball rolling? What's wrong with Night Train Reed? Who's against this? I really want to know. We're reaching the point where 95 percent of all nicknames come from boxing, and they're always contrived names like "The Pride of Newark" or "El Diablo Punchado. It's a damned shame, I say. We need to collectively do something here. Q: Come on, it's been a week -- who was the celebrity who showed up at your Denver signing? SG: The one, the only Pratyush Buddiga!
You might remember him as the winner of the Spelling Bee as well as one of the stars of my running diary of that event -- he was the kid who destroyed everybody, outlasted The Hyperventilator and even spelled the word "oubliette," the fancy word that defines Buffalo Bill's pit in "Silence of the Lambs.
Anyway, he's a high school student and budding sportswriter now -- he showed up with his father and brother the runner-up , and we even ended up taking a picture as you can see on the right. Good guy. And you wonder why I'm keeping this book tour going. Q: Who is the most semi-hot to really hot celebrity chick of the '70s and '80s who has now completed a full metamorphosis into a hideous MAN?
Cloris Leachman B. Tyne Daly C. Glenn Close D. SG: I vote for E.
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Jim Lampley. By the way, do you think Tyne Daly would be completely bummed out that she was included on that list, or would she be in complete disbelief that someone described her as a "semi-hot to really hot celebrity chick of the '70s and '80s? I am 33 years old, and I remember the time in the '80s where we all stopped what we were doing to watch Hagler fight. Just like we did for every Celts game during that time period. Hagler is very much a part of Boston sports history. Don't you think? SG: Non-boxing fans, feel free to skip to the next e-mail.
But Hagler-Leonard was my only real brush with sports bigamy. See, Sugar Ray was my favorite boxer dating back to the Olympics, the same year I fell in love with Nadia Comaneci fortunately, she never reciprocated. I followed him on ABC through his first title fight with Benitez, made my stepdad drag me to both Duran fights on closed-circuit at the Milford Jai Alai arena, even made my father not a boxing fan take me to the closed-circuit broadcast of Hearns-Hagler at the Boston Garden.
When Leonard retired because of the detached retina, I threw my support behind Hagler, never imagining that he would fight Leonard some day. So that part was unfortunate. What can you do? I approached the fight thinking, "I'll root for them both," but as soon as the fight started, I was vehemently behind Sugar Ray -- it wasn't even close.
You can't change how you felt as a little kid. When the Hagler backers criticize Leonard as being soft, or running away in that fight, or not having the stones to trade with Hagler, they need to remember something: Leonard fought three legitimate wars with Benitez who was never the same after , Duran the first one in Montreal and Hearns one of the most dramatic fights ever. Hagler's style was similar to Duran's -- he kept coming and coming, so the best way to fight him was to dance around, pick your spots and make him look bad.
And it worked. Leonard never won that fight as much as Hagler lost it. Terrible performance by him -- missed a ton of punches, never controlled the fight, looked a step slow. Everyone forgets this. Even a rusty Leonard managed to outshine him, which was especially shocking because Leonard humiliated Hagler three years before -- during his first retirement announcement, when he convinced Hagler to show up, gave a long speech that made it seem like he was announcing their fight, built it up, then said the words, "And unfortunately, it will never happen," as Hagler gave birth to the Marvin Hagler "I can't believe this little weasel made me come to this and we're not even fighting now" Face.
In his prime, Hagler would have demolished Leonard for doing that. Here's my theory: I don't think Hagler was ever the same after the famous Hearns fight in '85, followed by a brutal fight against John "The Beast" Mugabi that ranks among the all-time underrated middleweight battles -- they absolutely slaughtered each other in that one. Everyone thinks Hagler retired because his heart was broken by the Leonard decision; personally, I think he saw the writing on the wall.
Hearns and Mugabi changed him just enough that he wasn't the same fighter I will always believe that. Q: I just read your Week 2 picks and I'm stoned. I think I may have woken up the dorky Opera singer girl that lives below us too. Oh well, screw her. SG: The thing is, I don't even flinch when I get e-mails like this anymore. That's what really scares me. Q: I am a year-old kid with no job and have a group of friends in the same situation.
What is the maximum amount of money you would spend in our situation for a championship trophy for a Madden tournament? Lots and lots of porn. You're going to need it when it's negative this winter and every girl you know is wearing 15 layers of clothing. If you need a trophy that badly, "borrow" an expensive circular tray from somebody's parent's house -- those nice pieces of silver that look like the women's Wimbledon trophy, the ones your parents got as a wedding present because they registered for it, even though there's absolutely no use for a silver tray that looks like the women's Wimbledon trophy in any social setting -- and just pretend that's the "Madden" trophy.
Or, you could steal an urn from church and nail it to a piece of wood.
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Either way, save your money. I believe it's the same one he makes when he opens up his freezer and discovers that someone ate the last ice cream sandwich without his permission. Q: As a new father and especially the father of a girl , you should watch out for the following fantastically horrific trick to play on a buddy with a new daughter: The next time you're in Vegas and end up in a gentlemen's establishment, buy the new father a dance, only pay the lady friend a little extra so that during the dance, she tells your buddy her name is [insert buddy's daughter's name]. If you watch your boy, you will be able to tell the exact moment at which she reveals her "name.
SG: I would have found this e-mail 20 times funnier one year ago. But it did get me thinking Like, if we had named my daughter Tiffany, Amber or Desiree, would that have dropped her "becoming a stripper" odds from ,to-1 to ? What happens if you name your daughter "Cinnamon" -- does she just start stripping right out of the womb? Or do all strippers have normal names, only they adopt relatively real-sounding pseudonyms when they start working at the gentlemen's establishment?
I wish somebody with an MIT degree and a giant stripper database could figure this out once and for all. Q: What's the protocol when you're at a urinal in a public restroom and you can hear the uh, fireworks, coming from the stall behind you? Is it ever acceptable to crack a joke or is complete silence always a must? SG: This happened six years ago, when my buddy Geoff and I were in a crowded men's room at Foxwoods and I dusted off the old "You show that turd who's boss, buddy" line from "Austin Powers.
And yes, I was just looking for an excuse to write the words, "brought the rest room down. Q: Do you have any ideas for cool Halloween costumes? I'm sick of the slutty nurse, slutty french maid, slutty [insert female occupation here]. What is the Sports Gal going as? SG: The Sports Gal is going as a mother of a young baby who doesn't sleep enough -- a permanent scowl and eye bags and you're all set.
But I'm glad you asked because a person's Halloween costume says a lot about them, especially females. Halloween costume choices are distant cousins of playing pool at a bar. In bar pool, there are two types of women -- the ones who bend over because that's the only real way to make a successful shot, or the ones who perform a half-crouch so their butt doesn't stick out Just for the record, I dated only two half-crouchers, and neither of them lasted long.
Any woman worth her salt will bend over, stick her butt out, try to make the shot and deal with the consequences of random drunken dudes leering at her rear end. This separates the keepers from the pretenders if you're choosing a mate for life -- I'm telling you. Don't end up with a half-croucher. These are also the women who wear makeup to bed during the first weeks you're dating and pretend they never go to the bathroom until you've been dating for like four years.
Group A : Girls who use their costumes as an excuse to get attention from guys. Please note, I'm not against any of these costumes -- in fact, I support and applaud them. Mainly because they can be the equivalent of somebody holding up a sign and saying either, "I'm up for some casual sex tonight" or "I'm definitely ready to start cheating on my boyfriend. So it's almost like playing roulette, trying to figure out what their intentions are. By the way, for a less trendy, somewhat slutty costume, you might want to break out the cowgirl or dominatrix gimmicks -- more elaborate, more expensive, but also more respectable, more commendable.
You can't go wrong. If you don't have the money, steal it. Group B : Girls who go overboard and end up stuck wearing a sweaty mask or costume that legitimately hinders them for the entire night. Could potentially kill your night. Plus, you always get like four monster zits after wearing a sweaty Halloween mask for too long. Group C : Girls who are downright creative with their costumes. People at the party were floored.
In fact, my editors are floored right now as they decide whether this paragraph can run. But those are the costumes you end up remembering, not the ,,th person who dressed up like a slutty cat. Costume No. And you just need to stumble around and scream crazy things while your friends hold you up. Later, when you get drunk and start acting like this for real, people will assume that you're still playing the "Taradise" role.
This also works for Courtney Love if you want to go in that direction. Why not go all the way? People will notice you. Especially if you're attending a party that includes Clinton Portis. Can't miss and a guaranteed laugh when someone asks who you are. First, go to Marshall's and buy the ugliest beige pants suit you can find. Second, buy a Nancy Reagan wig. Third, buy 8-inch high heels and practice walking awkwardly in them. Fourth, learn how to do that whistle where you stick your index and pinky fingers in your mouth, then make an excruciatingly loud noise.
And you're good to go. Q: Couldn't agree with you more about Leinart in the ND game I mean, the guy probably came to the line, saw the press coverage and said to himself, "You know what, screw it, even if we lose, I can still have any girl Southern California, I have no class Monday, I'll be a millionaire soon SG: I couldn't agree more. You bring up a great point, when an athlete reaches "I'm Keith Hernandez" status and their confidence becomes simply outrageous -- that's when you know someone is in the zone.
That was one of my favorite Larry Bird moments, the Dallas game in '86 when they were down two on TBS with like 10 seconds left, so he pulled up in the open court and drained a crazy running 3, with the implicit understanding being, "You know what? Sometimes this can have dangerous repercussions -- like just about every ill-advised Brett Favre pass over the past four years -- but it's always fun when somebody reaches this point. I think that's what I'm going to miss most about watching Reggie Miller -- once Bird and MJ retired, he was the only guy in the league who would take those "I'm Keith Hernandez!
There's nobody. Q: Interesting that you criticize La Russa for remaining stoic after Pujols hit the home run off Lidge, no? I always thought that it was amazingly cool of Bird to remain unflappable at such a critical moment There was a great replay of Pacers running around the court in pure ecstasy -- while Bird stood there with his arms crossed, silently gauging the remaining 3 seconds on the clock. Q: Because you've given us so many great free columns over the years, I only felt it was fair that, as a loyal reader, I give you something back.
Member Name: Password:. I've got to get a girlfriend, just for the summer, until this wears off. She'll be a summery girl. She'll have hair. She'll have summery friends who know how to be outside. She'll play tennis and wear dresses and have bare feet, and in the autumn, I'll ditch her, because she's my summer girl! Bernard Black. TV 25 min Comedy. The comedic misadventures of Roy, Moss and their grifting supervisor Jen, a rag-tag team of IT support workers at a large corporation headed by a hotheaded yuppie. Votes: , I like you, Jen.
You don't ask questions. A lot of people would be confused as to why I invited them up here then asked them to leave, not you. A person's got to have a lot of backbone to allow herself to be ordered around like that. You've got spunk and balls, and I like that in a woman. Douglas Renholm. An interweaving narrative chronicling the antics of such diverse characters as: a transsexual taxi driver, a family obsessed with hygiene and toads, a fiery reverend, a carnival owner who kidnaps women into marriage, and a xenophobic couple who run a local shop for local people.
Votes: 9, Propelled across the land in a carriage of no horse drawn, belching Satan's black wind into our clean and local air! This is a decent town and a local shop; there's nothing for you here! The adventures of the last human alive and his friends, stranded three million years into deep space on the mining ship Red Dwarf.
Votes: 31, Erm, I think we're losing sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we gonna call ourselves? K 30 min Comedy. Two perpetually bored and broke flatmates waste their days in a futile struggle to get laid, earn cash, and not kill one another. Votes: 10, Well, it's the season of goodwill and peace on Earth, so I thought I'd chop both its feet off, rip out its innards, strip it, shove an onion up its arse and bung it in a very hot place for four hours until its completely burnt Richard Richard. TV-MA 29 min Comedy. Alan Partridge, a failed television presenter, is now presenting a programme on local radio in Norwich.
He desperately tries to revive his broadcasting career. Votes: 17, Big Yellow Taxi there by Joni Mitchell, a song in which she complains that they 'paved paradise to put up a parking lot' - a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world.
Nevertheless, nice song Alan Partridge. TV 45 min Comedy, Talk-Show. Alan Partridge hosts his own chat show on the BBC. He insults and belittles almost all of his guests and is humiliated by the rest. Votes: 5, I know lying is wrong, but if the elephant man came in now in a blouse with some make up on, and said "how do I look? You'd say "You look nice John Alan Partridge.
TV-MA 25 min Comedy. Controversal spoof of current affairs television, and the role of celebrity in the UK. Votes: 8, Urgent news - Karla has started to ingest her own head. Her dung pump mechanism has blown. There's bloody vegetable gas everywhere. For God's sake, help us pull her trunk out Michael Van Wijk. TV-PG min Comedy. In the Middle Ages, Prince Edmund the Black Adder constantly schemes and endeavors to seize the crown from his father and brother.
Votes: 33, A spoof of the British style of news broadcasting - including ridiculous stories, patronising vox pops, offensively hard-hitting research and a sports presenter clearly struggling for metaphors. Votes: 4, As City markets crashed and flew off, the government tried to stabilise the economy with an emergency currency based on the Queen's eggs, several thousand of which were removed from her ovaries in and held in reserve Christopher Morris.
A group of seemingly unrelated strangers all receive a mysterious note stating "I know what you did," which sends their lives into a downward spiral. TV 25 min Action, Comedy. Friends Tim and Daisy, something North Londoners with uncertain futures, must pretend to be a couple to live in the only apartment they can afford. Votes: 47, In while on weekend manoeuvres in France, I commandeered a Chieftain tank without the permission of my immediate superiors. I then attempted to invade Paris.
However, en route I stopped off at Disneyland Paris, or Eurodisney as it was then called, and was subsequently apprehended on Space Mountain Mike Watt. Three misfit priests and their housekeeper live on Craggy Island, not the peaceful and quiet part of Ireland that it seems to be.
I was just thinking about my next parish. Bishop Brennan is always threatening to send me somewhere unpleasant, and this time I think he just might go through with it. You see I'm going to kick him up the arse Father Ted Crilly. The crazy and sometimes surreal comedic adventures of four very different students in Thatcher's Britain. Votes: 12, My knickers are so old, it's only the stubborn understains that are holding them together.
Votes: 2, I provide a service despatching stupid people for the things they're best at. Like winning arguments. Stupid people are great at winning arguments because they're too stupid to realize they've lost Businessman. A British sketch comedy show where people in ordinary situations suddenly find themselves in absurd situations.
Votes: 3, Cake Chef: So, in conclusion, these cakes really are selling extremely quickly. Theyre selling like nobodys business. Theyre flying off the shelves, these cakes. Maybe its because we warm them up first, I dont know, but they are being bought at a tremendous rate. In fact, I dont think Ive seen anything sell with such speed as these warmed-through cakes. People are snapping up these cakes like, well, like theyre going out of fashion. Catering Student: [coughs] Sorry. You could say they were selling like hot cakes. Manager: Well, I think thats as good a place as any to end the meeting, so thank you very much, Steve, and thank you, everybody.
Im afraid Im going to have to let you go.bibhumbcabiz.ga
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Catering Student: Youre Youre firing me? But why? Manager: Because youre a smart alec Catering students lecture. Mark and Jez are a couple of twenty-something roommates who have nothing in common - except for the fact that their lives are anything but normal. Mayhem ensues as the pair strive to cope with day-to-day life. What's happened to my Muller. Oh no, you haven't been Not with my yoghurt Mark Corrigan. A comedy sketch show from Ben Miller and Alexander Armstrong.
Running jokes and one hit wonders galore! Votes: Miller: What blud? Votes: 7, On a lonely planet spinning its way toward damnation amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is left to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar. TV 45 min Comedy. The wild misadventures of Edina Monsoon and her best friend Patsy Stone, who live in a near-constant haze of drugged, drunken selfishness. Votes: 16, I just have to tell these tragic, little wannabes, do you know what I tell them?
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I say, darling, "just stick your fingers down your throat, hack off your tits, keep taking the tablets and don't come back until you're looking like something Patsy. TV 30 min Comedy. UK comedy sketch show depicting most forms of stereotypical mid's British society. Putting up a tent is like making love to a beautiful women. First you've got to lay her out, put up your pole and slip into the old bag Swiss Toni.
The story of an office that faces closure when the company decides to downsize its branches. A documentary film crew follow staff and the manager David Brent as they continue their daily lives. Votes: 88, What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock?
Is it the turnover? Brent, will you be the Godfather to my child? We had to let him go, he was rubbish. He was rubbish! David Brent. A suburban British street is home to numerous national and international celebrities -all played by Phil Cornwell and John Sessions. A sitcom about two dreamy London roommate: gay unemployed actor Tom Farrell, whose career is going nowhere; and Linda La Hughes, who is about as attractive as a centenary nun, yet has Votes: 1, Well, German's are very misunderstood people, Tom.
Take Fritz' mum Helga, she'll sit on your face, as soon as look at you. Linda La Hughes. Joanna brought me here once Surreptitiously however, I was bringing her to climax with a breadstick. Alan Statham. Set in the corridors of power and spin, the Minister for Social Affairs, is continually harassed by Number 10's policy enforcer and dependent on his not-so-reliable team of civil servants. Votes: 18, Don Danbury who slobs around, doesn't take his job seriously and making awkward situations has inherited a house from his late grandmother which she left in debt along with her carer, Eddie How Not to Live Your Life is a British sitcom, written by and starring Dan Clark, about a neurotic twenty-nine year old man who is trying to navigate his way through life but is not helped by his bad instincts.
BBC sketch show that while continuing to show the misadventures of a series of popular characters now also introduces a slew of new oddballs and misfits for us to enjoy including Tory Boy and The Lovely Wobbly Randy Old Ladies. Women know your limits! Narrator: Look at this motor car. It's got twenty years happy motoring ahead of it - or has it? Here comes a woman! Narrator: Which side's she getting in? The driver's side! Women: Gosh! What lovely comfy seats! A machine FAR too complicated for you to understand. Women: But I know about embroidery and kittens - won't that suffice?
Oh, blow it - I'm going to have a try! Narrator: See? NOW look what you've done. Your pretty little mind simply can't COPE with the motor car. Chumney Warner. TV-PG 30 min Comedy. Each episode would feature satire on British life, television, and parodies on big box Dawn: [in her normal English accent] I thought you were going to wear this frock.
Jennifer: bs the dress] Oh fiddle-dee-dee! Dawn: Should I have that dry-cleaned, then?